Heavy rain is forecast for London and the South-East tomorrow. This will depress turnout in the referendum, which will be a jolly good thing.

The chitter-chattering metropolitan elite is composed mainly of remaniacs. That wonderful, wise, old man who lives on a cloud in the sky has chosen to rain on their parade. So indoors they will stay, sipping their Nespresso lattes, chewing on their organic, gluten-free bagels.

Meanwhile, the rest of us can get on with saving the country. If you haven’t already voted by post, remember to take a pen to mark your ballot paper. The pencils provided at polling stations are part of MI5’s strategy to fix the result. You don’t want to be ‘rubbed out’, do you?

#VoteLeave