Peter Reynolds

The life and times of Peter Reynolds

Posts Tagged ‘The Apprentice

The Young Apprentice

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"It's not my fault!"

Doesn’t this  programme reveal the real truth about “The (Grown Up) Apprentice”?

All those retarded, celebrity-wannabees who would never have lasted five minutes in a real business were children themselves.  The very idea that any of them had any idea what they were talking about was just a hugely patronising insult to the viewer.  Incidentally, I’m reserving the title “The Adult Apprentice” for a really innovative little idea that’s on my very top shelf.

It’s an indictment of the researchers that work on this sort of lowbrow dross.  They chose the idiot contestants on “The (Grown Up) Apprentice” to fail and to indulge in all sorts of puerile angst and confrontation.  I prefer “The Young Apprentice”.  It’s much more honest, more amusing and entertaining without making the contestants look like idiots.   This is the way I would expect children to behave!

I can’t wait for one of the kids to call him Lord Suralan.   Seems to me he’d make a perfect chairman for the FA, which is just another load of nonsense for spoilt kids.

Anyway, in “The Adult Apprentice” you won’t get fired but you will be punished.

School Of Saatchi

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Quality television is difficult to find.  Yes, though there are hundreds of channels available, most of it is rubbish.  Of course, what constitutes “rubbish” is a moving target.  It depends on mood, snobbery, fashion, tribe and all sorts of complicated human emotions.  It’s always perplexed me why it’s so “cool” to work in telly but so “uncool” to watch it!

“School Of Saatchi” is another formulaic “reality” competition but it’s fantastic.  (BBC2, Mondays 9.00pm) It’s hugely entertaining but also very educational.  You can empathise with each of the contestants even though each one is a real weirdy.  You can get excited about whether they’ll meet their deadline and what the public vote will be on their bizarre “art”.

It’s the “X Factor” where “X” equals modern art and the chance to exhibit at the Saatchi Gallery and get a studio free for three years. The characters are eccentric and divine darling, particulary the asian boy with the spiky hair and Eugenie, the gorgeous 19 year old minx who wore her waders from suspenders in the last episode when her sculpture had to be installed in a pond!

There are the experts of course with Tracey Emin playing Arlene from Strictly and Charles’ advisors playing Nick and Margaret from The Apprentice or Sarah and David from The Restaurant.  The USP though is Charles himself or, rather, his absence.  The famously “camera-shy” Charles, dare I suggest it, is bound to make an appearance in the final programme.

Of course, Saatchi & Saatchi is my alma mater so perhaps I’m biased but within its cliched formula this programme is a delight.  In fact, perhaps it’s because it’s structure is such a cliche that it can explain things that are almost beyond explanation and give us mere mortals an insight into the minds of modern artists.

European Culture 77, English Chavs 2

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It must be the first football match I’ve watched in 18 months.  I thought it was worth investing the time.  After all, it was hyped to the level where it became an event rather than just a sports occasion.  But then really, football lost all that years ago. When the various mafiosi, the agents, the primadonnas and the gross, obscene salaries took hold, football lost Ronaldioeverything it ever had of value.

So, hilariously, ITV’s HD coverage stepped into the rhythm, just four minutes before half time and cut, bizarrely, to shots of bleach blonde, just-retired footballers in the usual badly fitting suits, adjusting their lunchboxes and utterly tasteless ties, commentators preparing for their imminent incisive anlayses, wiping away the smears of mayonnaise and more exotic “amuse  bouche”  from their lips.

Perfectly appropriate, I thought!

What happened to Roy Of The Rovers and football as a role model?  These spoilt, vastly over paid, perversions of sporting talent, ill mannered, conceited, ignorant individuals.  They are porn stars and nothing more.  They don’t even deliver.  Give me a third rate club rugby player, or a rower, a cyclist, a swimmer.  Why is the world infected with this football virus?

The beautiful game?  In the eye of the beholder without lager, violence, chav celebrity culture, we can do much. much better than this!

Truth is, 10 minutes into the second half, I turned over to watch “The Apprentice”.soccer